MY STORY - BY LINDSAY YOUNG My experience of being a lone parent. I have two sons, who are now 13 and 16. I am medically retired due to Lupus. I was first diagnosed eleven years ago at a very difficult period in my life. I lost my home, lost my job, lost my partner, gained a medical condition, and ended up in a refuge with my two young sons, all in one month. I reached rock bottom and had no hope. I also weighed in at 25 stone due to the steroid treatment to combat infection, and was in and out of hospital, almost daily. I couldn’t care for my sons, and had to rely on my parents. I’m so different now. I moved to Maldon 7 years ago and began to attend my local church. Gradually my health has improved. I’m not cured, but God has brought me to full health most of the time. I can now care for my children myself, and I even went to Leadership College 3 years ago, which I thought would have been impossible due to my health condition. I personally feel that God has brought me from devastation to restoration. I’m not fully restored yet, but well on the way. This is a personal walk. The group is aware of my faith but we are there for anyone who is a single parent, christian or not! When I got the idea for H.E.L.P. I attended Gingerbread for 4 years before I moved to Maldon, and when I arrived here I realised there was no similar support in the area. I made friends with other lone parents, we went away on holiday together, and the idea came to me while we were away. I had originally thought I might become a foster parent, but because of my health issues I felt it wrong at the time to pursue that,and realised that my heart was for the parents who were struggling to parent on their own. How H.E.L.P has grown and developed and what it looks like now. We started with pamper mornings in homes on a Monday. I then spoke to someone at Monkey Puzzle, an indoor activity centre. I was amazed when we were offered a discount of half price per child. We met there once a month until last year when we were offered free space at the Maldon Children's centre in the town centre. We are now moving to West Maldon Community Centre as we need more room to expand and offer more activities.". We have had very generous contributions from Barclays Bank, Rotary and Maldon Lions for the last 3 years and have been able to have Christmas parties with children’s presents, a buffet and provide food hampers for our lone parents and their children and some in the local community. This year we hope to reach even more people. Two years ago 68 of us went away for a week’s holiday which was totally funded from charitable contributions. We have been blessed with funding to go away again this year in May to Rye in Sussex with 3 outings planned during the week. During the summer time we organise trips out which sometimes we are able to heavily subsidise. We have had many fundraising events including, barbeques, DVD nights for the children, men’s nights linked to church events, quiz's and a racenight. Thanks to Youth Community Funding, we have a youth room with gaming equipment and if sucessful this year - instruments and tution to start a youth band. We have run a Parenting Workshop, had a C.P.R First Aid night for the children with St John Ambulance, put on a Money Management course called CAP and recently had 20 people attend a Freedom from Abuse programme. We are now looking to do a short Healthy Cooking Course at our Club Nights and more courses etc from September this year. There is also a H.E.L.P phone number that people can ring if they need support. What's been difficult about implementing the vision? The most difficult thing for me has been that so many lone parents struggle with anger, sorrow, lack of trust, a dependency mentality, lethargy and financial issues. So it’s hard to rely on people to be motivated and supportive. We decided we wanted to bless, no matter what, and that has helped in the way we relate to the mums and dads in the group. We are not a Christian Group but a few of us do attend a local church. If people want spiritual support or guidance, or prayer, then we will provide that, but it is important to build relationships and trust.  It’s also been hard to stay on top of what I have been learning about setting up the Charity, and to pass it down the line to others. I’ve had to learn on the job and teach others too. Support I have had and how important has that been. My pastors, Trevor and Susie, have been there for me 100%. A number of people have come on board from church and have supported in various ways for which I’m very grateful. Four other single parents from the group have been a great strength and support and do much more than their job titles include! What has surprised me? Every day is a surprise. I never know what is going to happen next. It grew so fast, and the level of financial support has been amazing. There were so many personal donations from church members at the start, and that still continues. It surprised me that people wanted to bless single parents. The media portrays single parents as getting all sorts of benefits but it’s not like that at all. A lot of them really struggle. The fact that I am still standing surprises me. It’s God’s strength and his gift of determination. In the past any pressure would have sent me under, usually with physical outcomes, colds, flu, infections, depression, etc. Now I feel on the whole more stable, why worry it doesn't usually change the outcome! What I would like HELP to be in the future? I would like to see other H.E.L.P groups started by churches/individuals all over the country. I aim to go to speak to others wherever I am welcome about how they can support single parents. This is a long term goal, short term I would like to see the Essex area covered with support for all Lone Parents that want it. I would like to publicise the group more in Maldon, and would like to be able to provide more in the way of support. There are 700 lone parents in the area, so I’d like to see the group get even bigger. I think we’ve just touched the surface. I’d like H.E.L.P to be recognised in the community as a valuable source of help and support. I’d like to see deepening relationships. At the moment we need to empower people and encourage and sustain them where they are at, and then we will see parents in the group come into a more active role in being able to help others. We have already seen some changes – difficult people who have been hurt (which has meant they are hard, angry and rude, and unable to socialise) have come to a place where they are able to take responsibility for certain things in the group and communicate the message to others. When I see that happening, I know we are on the right track in achieving our goals. What would you say to someone who has a dream? I’d say unless you birth it, who else is going to?  If you don’t run with it, it won’t happen. As you step out, if you find there are people who feel the same way and they come on board with you, then you will have confirmation that it is right! Go for it!

Lindsay Young FOUNDER & CHAIRPERSON

Lupus is a chronic, autoimmune disease that can damage any part of the body (skin, joints, and/or organs inside the body). The immune system creates auto antibodies which attack and destroy healthy tissue. These auto antibodies cause inflammation, pain, and damage in various parts of the body. There is no cure, and a 80% survival rate. back to top